How Do You Handle Sibling Rivalry?

Zef and ZJ

Do you have more than one child? Then, most likely you are also experiencing sibling rivalry amongst your children.  I have four so there’s definitely lots of squabbles at home.   My dancesport pair, who are aged 15 and 13, fight more or often when they do their dance trainings.  It’s something that I can’t handle personally since it’s their dance teachers who take all their banterings.  Thank God for them! (sighing with a smile) When they’re at home, they don’t argue about anything except who’s going to do which of the household chores that’s being tasked for them.  That I can handle.  But when it comes to my two younger ones, who are aged 3 and 1 years old, who are both boys..ah! it’s WW3 all the time at home when it happens.

 

Siblings fight.  Even adults do, right?  Just like them, children also go through a myriad of feelings and emotions.  The flip side is that children don’t know how to express their feelings and sometimes manifest into sibling fights and rivalry.  Zef and ZJ has lots of toys to play with but oftentimes, they fight on one toy.   They still don’t know the meaning of the word “share” so it’s really frustrating.

So what causes it?  It is commonly triggered by jealousy and competition.  Some contributing factors can be boredom, hunger and exhaustion.   But if there’s a routine that the child follows carefully, like his sleeping habits, play time and eating time, then it’s likely that these triggers are lessened.

Fighting for attention is a common trigger.  When a child feels that he is receiving unequal amount of attention, he will do anything to get it back.  My 3 years old ZJ, makes annoying noises when he sees that his little brother, Zef, is being carried and passed around be everyone saying how cute the baby is.  This would sometimes irk me or his dad often causing to reprimand him verbally but the more he cries to this action.  What I’ve learned to do is give him a hug and get his books, which are his favorite things to do-reading, then he calms down.

There are many ways and effective ones to resolve sibling rivalry.  However, different situations require different tactics.  I have jotted down a few which helps the same way.

Getting to the root cause of the problem

Kids crave affection.  Most kids want to prove their individuality and that they are different from their sibling.  So a recognition and appreciation is a big thing for them.  A child may either be bored or tired, that’s why he’s starting a fight with his sibling.  The faster you get to the root of the problem, the easier it will be to tackle the issue.

Freedom to handle conflicts

Oftentimes, we parents try and mediate conflicts which could result to (unintentionally)protecting one child.  Give your children independence and responsibility to resolve their own conflicts.   Giving them freedom to handle their conflicts would help to find the solution but of course, we should also know when to step in if 

they start hurting each other.

Use time-outs

This is when the fight is going out of control.  Or, it is when I use a little spanking to make them see who is in control.  I am not the strict-disciplinarian type but I still believe that a child sometimes needs it.  Once the child cools down, you can carefully explain what he did wrong and apologize to the sibling.

Avoid Comparisons

I cannot stress how important this is.  It is never healthy to compare your child to another specially to a sibling.  They have their own individual identities and it’s only our role as parents to encourage our children their expression of self.

Set an example

It is at home where all starts.  When they see parents fighting, they may think that it’s the best resolution to conflicts.  Let’s be role models to our children.  They are always watching our every move and the next step we make.  They will not miss an opportunity to step in our shoes and behave just like us.  Let us nurture a loving and cordial atmosphere at our homes and this will build a special bond between us and our children.

The Road That I'll Be Taking

Source

Oftentimes, God answer prayers in ways we cannot comprehend.  He alone sees through the desires of our heart and the solutions to our botheration.  It's a matter of keeping and holding on to that faith which sometimes there's still a dash of doubt to it.

Today, I received a news that could probably save me and my family from the financial box.  But this opportunity requires me to leave my family, for a couple of years, to work abroad.  It is really really tempting since the pay is quite substantial.  On the other hand, I'm very tormented even with the idea of leaving my family.  Sometimes, I find myself reasoning with my own thoughts that there are others who worked abroad but still kept their families intact.  Yes, that's one of my fears.  That when I come back, I might see that I'm the reason that I've broken my family. To be honest, this wouldn't be the first time that I'd work outside our country.  I had worked in a neighbouring country, in Malaysia exactly, which I must say was really different since it's only near the Philippines.  I could make up more and more excuses or reasons for me to go or not to go but it in the end I make my own destiny.  I could not create that of my family specially for my children but I know I am a strong tool to help them create their own destiny and a better life.

As to my predicament, I am not fixed with anything yet.  I'm still constantly praying for God's enlightenment.

I would very much like to hear what you can say, should I go? Should I not go? 

Praising on Sundays: Blind Bartimaeus

Gospel, Mark 10:46-52

⁴⁶ They reached Jericho; and as he left Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartimaeus -- that is, the son of Timaeus -- a blind beggar, was sitting at the side of the road.

⁴⁷ When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout and cry out, 'Son of David, Jesus, have pity on me.'

⁴⁸ And many of them scolded him and told him to keep quiet, but he only shouted all the louder, 'Son of David, have pity on me.'

⁴⁹ Jesus stopped and said, 'Call him here.' So they called the blind man over. 'Courage,' they said, 'get up; he is calling you.'

⁵⁰ So throwing off his cloak, he jumped up and went to Jesus.

⁵¹ Then Jesus spoke, 'What do you want me to do for you?' The blind man said to him, 'Rabbuni, let me see again.'

⁵² Jesus said to him, 'Go; your faith has saved you.' And at once his sight returned and he followed him along the road.

A Video: They Bagged 2 Golds This Time

A short video of my Champions as they graced to a Waltz in the recent 2012 City of Smiles Dancesport Competition held in Bacolod last October 20, 2012.  They brought home two gold awards for both Latin and Standard Discipline.

They are breathtaking to watch I must say.  It's just me, a mother who has nothing much to say except that I'm so lovingly proud of them. :-)

21 Ways To Be Productive

Re-blogged from Tet's Little Finds

#1. Check email in the afternoon so you protect the peak energy hours of your mornings for your best work.

#2. Stop waiting for perfect conditions to launch a great project. Immediate action fuels a positive feedback loop that drives even more action.

#3. Remember that big, brave goals release energy. So set them clearly and then revisit them every morning for 5 minutes.

#4. Mess creates stress (I learned this from tennis icon Andre Agassi who said he wouldn’t let anyone touch his tennis bag because if it got disorganized, he’d get distracted). So clean out the clutter in your office to get more done.

#5. Sell your TV. You’re just watching other people get successful versus doing the things that will get you to your dreams.

#6. Say goodbye to the energy vampires in your life (the negative souls who steal your enthusiasm).

#7. Run routines. When I studied the creative lives of massively productive people like Stephen King, John Grisham and Thomas Edison, I discovered they follow strict daily routines. (i.e., when they would get up, when they would start work, when they would exercise and when they would relax). Peak productivity’s not about luck. It’s about devotion.

#8. Get up at 5 am. Win the battle of the bed. Put mind over mattress. This habit alone will strengthen your willpower so it serves you more dutifully in the key areas of your life.

#9. Don’t do so many meetings. (I’ve trained the employees of our FORTUNE 500 clients on exactly how to do this – including having the few meetings they now do standing up – and it’s created breakthrough results for them).

#10. Don’t say yes to every request. Most of us have a deep need to be liked. That translates into us saying yes to everything – which is the end of your elite productivity.

#11. Outsource everything you can’t be BIW (Best in the World) at. Focus only on activities within what I call “Your Picasso Zone”.

#12. Stop multi-tasking. New research confirms that all the distractions invading our lives are rewiring the way our brains work (and drop our IQ by 5 points!). Be one of the rare-air few who develops the mental and physical discipline to have a mono-maniacal focus on one thing for many hours. (It’s all about practice).

#13. Get fit like Madonna. Getting to your absolute best physical condition will create explosive energy, renew your focus and multiply your creativity.

#14. Workout 2X a day. This is just one of the little-known productivity tactics that I’ll walk you through in my new online training program YOUR PRODUCTIVITY UNLEASHED (details at the end of this post) but here’s the key: exercise is one of the greatest productivity tools in the world. So do 20 minutes first thing in the morning and then another workout around 6 or 7 pm to set you up for wow in the evening.

#15. Drink more water. When you’re dehydrated, you’ll have far less energy. And get less done.

#16. Work in 90 minute blocks with 10 minute intervals to recover and refuel (another game-changing move I personally use to do my best work).

#17. Write a Stop Doing List. Every productive person obsessively sets To Do Lists. But those who play at world-class also record what they commit to stop doing. Steve Jobs said that what made Apple Apple was not so much what they chose to build but all the projects they chose to ignore.

#18. Use your commute time. If you’re commuting 30 minutes each way every day – get this: at the end of a year, you’ve spent 6 weeks of 8 hour days in your car. I encourage you to use that time to listen to fantastic books on audio + excellent podcasts and valuable learning programs. Remember, the fastest way to double your income is to triple your rate of learning.

#19. Be a contrarian. Why buy your groceries at the time the store is busiest? Why go to movies on the most popular nights? Why hit the gym when the gym’s completely full? Do things at off-peak hours and you’ll save so many of them.

#20. Get things right the first time. Most people are wildly distracted these days. And so they make mistakes. To unleash your productivity, become one of the special performers who have the mindset of doing what it takes to get it flawless first. This saves you days of having to fix problems.

#21. Get lost. Don’t be so available to everyone. I often spend hours at a time in the cafeteria of a university close to our headquarters. I turn off my devices and think, create, plan and write. Zero interruptions. Pure focus. Massive results.

A Cup of Gold For All Their Hard Work

The month of October is so full and alive for my two kids, Troy and Tracy.  It is the eventful time for their second grading exam, school intramurals, competitions and the quarterly championship.  They just came back from Manila for the recent 16th DSCPI National Dancesport Championship last October 13, 2012 held at the Ninoy Aquino Stadium in Malate, Manila.  Team Cebu City bagged 11 gold, 13 silver and 4 bronze awards of which Troy and Tracy contributed one gold and one silver.  Let me bombard my post with my "sky-high-proudness" for my children with pictures from that colorful and exciting day.

dancing the waltz for the American Standard Discipline

The standard discipline is Tracy's favorite because she feels like a dancing princess with its long gown and sparkly tiara.  They graced to five dances on this such as the waltz, tango, viennese waltz, foxtrot and quickstep.  

While the Latin Discipline is Troy's forte.  It is a fiery dance which also has five kinds like the cha-cha, samba, rhumba, paso-doble and jive.  

Proud team Cebu City with their earned loots

I can only post few chosen pictures of the hundreds that I took of them.  It is quite hard to take pictures when you'd only want to bear witness of them dance their hearts out.  As their mother, my eyes well with joy and pride like that day.  They danced so beautifully even if how tiring it was to dance to 10 musics all in all.  But it's their passion and I doubt if they felt it at all.  The rush and excitement was only there for them to share and behold with every move they made.  I was able to take a video of them but only through my phone which has a poor quality.  I will try to save what I can from it and post it soon.  Today, as of writing, Troy and Tracy are in Bacolod for another heart-stomping event in The City of Smiles Dancesport Competition hosted by Chanda and Ronnie.  The month hasn't ended and news' spreading around that next stop will be in Tacloban.  It's definitely one busy month for my kiddos. :-)

Maternity Run 2012 with My Sister

Together with my sister Michela, we joined "Maternity Run 2012" last Sept 29, 2012.  More than 800 runners participated in the running event which had its starting and finish line in front of Maternity Hospital in Fuente Osmena Cebu City.   It was a culminating activity of the hospital's week-long anniversary celebration, organized by the Cebu Puericulture Center and Maternity House Inc. About 100 of the participants were either pregnant or menopausal women who joined the 1-kilometer fun walk.  It was the category that my sister participated in because she is four months pregnant.  My mom was supposed to join her and participate in the event being in her menopausal stage and having had delivered in Maternity Hospital during her time, which were few of the requirements to those who registered for the fun run but not exactly on a strict compliance.  Unfortunately, my mom did not feel well on the day prior to the big event.  Having been keen on my fitness program (Hip-Hop Abs) for the last couple of months, and I wanted to try something new,  I volunteered to go with my sister and join in the fun.  So, I served as my mom's proxy.  At first, I was hesitant because it was my first time to join a marathon and I thought I couldn't finish it especially since  I was told to participate in the 3k event.   But I thought it would be whole new healthy experience so I changed my attitude to something positive.

With all my energy mustered up,  I woke up excited and ready the following day.   Sure enough, it was the same attitude that the runners had with them when we arrived in the venue.  It was just weird to run alone in my category since my sister had to tread the 1k walk.  I did not finish first, which I didn't expect for my first time.  Surprisingly though, I found myself enjoying my long, careful run.  I felt calm, steady and one with my breathing.  All doubts and apprehensions about myself for thinking that I would not be able to finish the 3k leg were brushed aside when I did.  I learned two valuable lessons that day.  First, If I can and need to push myself to my limit to strive for my goal then I'll do it.  Second, to bring a handy camera.  Husband J only took pictures of before and after at home.  Thus, the limited pictures.  Nevertheless, me and my sister went home happy with the experience and she with her special award as the Most Glamorous Mom.  Not too shabby for our first time :-)

Cyber Law in Cyberspace

Let me share a good friend, Mickey Sabiniano's post on his FB Wall:  

Info lang po about this CYBER LAW!

Kung lalabag kayo sa Cybercrime law, huhuliin kayo ng mga Cyberpolice, merun silang Cyberwarrant, then kakasuhan kayo ng Cyberlibel. Lilitisin kayo sa Cybercourt sa gitna ng Cyberjudge, dapat merun kayong Cyberlawyer na magtatanggol sa inyo sa mga Cyberprosecutor. 
Then kapag sinabi ng Cyberhonor na "Cyberguilty" kayo, kulong kayo sa Cyberjail, kasama nyo mga Cyberkosa nyo.. Gagawa kayo ng Cybergang nyo sa loob ng Cyberehas.. lahat ng yan mangyayari sa Cyberspace....

TARA NA SA CYBER SPACE! MASAYA DUN!

I hope it made your day as it brightened mine.  :-)

Praising on Sundays: Let the Children Come To Me

GOSPEL ACCLAMATION

If we love one another, God remains in us and his love is brought to perfection in us.

Mark 10:2-16

2 The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” They were testing him. 3 He said to them in reply, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They replied, “Moses permitted him to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her.” 5 But Jesus told them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.7 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” 10 In the house the disciples again questioned him about this. 11 He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” 13 And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it.” 16 Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

Reflection:

Today's gospel talks about two things, marriage and children.  The priest from church gave more emphasis on the second one.  He shared the life stories of three boys from Don Bosco Boys Home.  Stories of physical abuse, neglect and abandonment.  There are a lot of their kind that's out on the street, waiting for a somebody to share a love to them. 

Praising on Sundays: Whoever is Not Against Us is For Us

Gospel, Mark 9:38-43, 45, 47-48

³⁸ John said to him, 'Master, we saw someone who is not one of us driving out devils in your name, and because he was not one of us we tried to stop him.'
³⁹ But Jesus said, 'You must not stop him; no one who works a miracle in my name could soon afterwards speak evil of me.
⁴⁰ Anyone who is not against us is for us.
⁴¹ 'If anyone gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ, then in truth I tell you, he will most certainly not lose his reward.
⁴² 'But anyone who is the downfall of one of these little ones who have faith, would be better thrown into the sea with a great millstone hung round his neck.
⁴³ And if your hand should be your downfall, cut it off; it is better for you to enter into life crippled, than to have two hands and go to hell, into the fire that can never be put out.
⁴⁵ And if your foot should be your downfall, cut it off; it is better for you enter into life lame, than to have two feet and be thrown into hell.
⁴⁷ And if your eye should be your downfall, tear it out; it is better for you to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell
⁴⁸ where their worm will never die nor their fire be put out.


Reflection:
Right now, I'm amused of my own thought because the first thing that came to mind when I read yesterday's gospel is the TV Series "The Walking Dead".  I've been watching the 2 seasons on DVD and I'm impatiently waiting for the 3rd and Final Season (why Final I have yet to discover).  In the gospel,  Jesus is telling his disciples not to stop those who are exorcising demons even if he is not one of them.  In the tv series, there was an episode where a family did not kill "their" dead because they were family members that got zombified.  The plot of the tv series seems like it's the end of the world where the dead were raised, just like what the bible said but not something I would imagine what the apocalypse would be.  God alone knows who is deserving of his judgement because He is a just and forgiving God.  But I still couldn't imagine what I'll do if a family member gets bitten by a zombie and turns into one (shudders!) :-)

I'm a MOM and I'm Loving It!

The love of a mother is next to a Godly love. It is unconditional, real and selfless.  It is one reason why God created mothers.  To give us an earthly example of His heavenly love for us.  That is why I consider myself blessed to be have been given this task by God.  

This was supposed to be my entry for last week's BCB's Meme but hadn't had the time to post it.  Nonetheless,  I will share this to you along with this poem I found on the net.


Before I was a Mom ...

Before I was a mom
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on
or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mom
I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, my body, and my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make
sure all was ok. had never known the warmth the joy,  the love,  the heartache, the wonderfulment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Being a mother is the most wonderful, difficult, gratifying job in the world.  And in my heart, I know God didn't give me this job for no reason.  I see it as a mission to mold my children in a Jesus-like character.  It isn't an easy one but with His guidance, I know I can do it.  When my time arrives that I'll be facing Him, I would like to say "I've done my job Lord."